Where are the parents?

"If children drift, it's because their parents drift" _ Josh McDowell. I was at a friends place yesterday and she was telling me of her neighbour's son she want to attend my friday class with teenagers. According to her, she doesn't want him to be influenced by the elder brother who has gone south already. Then I asked," where are the parents?" The father works outside Lagos and the mother owns a salon and she wouldn't come back till 10pm every blessed day! This is a type of abuse - Neglect. Parents, am pleading, CHILDREN CANNOT BE LEFT ON THEIR OWN!. The elder brother has just finished his WAEC and he is home alone, all day, 24/7! His friend come over and they do all sorts, from cigarette smoking to drugs! For us to really succeed in the fight against drug abuse and other vices stealing the future of the younger generation, we need to be present in their lives before we can influence them. Teens can be headstrong, opinionated and determined. They often emphasise benefits over risk, they are aware of the dangers but they play them down. They usually feel a huge need to be connected to their peers, and often do stupid things just to be included in whatever their friends are doing, this is the more reason parents should know who their children friends are. Having the above knowledge about your teens, there are strategies to influence them, some of which include: *teens and people in general are most influenced by those they RESPECT and ADMIRE, vice versa. Forming a close bond and being able to talk to teenagers is key to having any sort of influence on them. *express empathy. This is the ability to understand from their perspectives. They are more likely to listen if they feel understood. *ask them open ended question. These are questions which does not require a 'yes' or 'no' answer. For example, instead of saying "how was school today?" Say " tell me about school today". *listen to them, maintain eye contact and avoid distraction. *be involved in their lives. Children whose parents monitor their activities, talk with them and eat together are at less risk of substance abuse. * emphasize reward and what they have to gain instead of talking about punishment or what they might lose because they are far more likely than adult to go for what they want, even when there are obvious serious downsides. For example, say "work hard so you can pass your jamb and be admitted to study that Course you have always dreamt about" instead of "if you don't read, you will fail and your father will show you pepper, o sha mo oru baba to o ni!" ( meaning you know the type of father you have). *support their autonomy and emphasize their personal choice control. For example, "I definitely would not want you to feel pressured to do anything against your will". * create a stable and loving environment. Allow your home to be a place of love and support where you can offer them gentle guidance instead of constantly pushing back and arguing. *model the behavior you wish to influence in your teen. If you would like to influence certain behavior, begin by showing them how it is done. Many thanks for your time and attention. #thinkthechild#thinkthetoday#thinkthefuture#beintentional#bedelibrate#beginwiththeendinmind#parentswatchout#theredirectacademy#TGIF