Help, my teen doesn’t cry

I had a session with a teen sometimes ago and one out of the numerous complains from the guardian was that: “she is hardened....there is nothing you would do to make her cry....no amount of beating...no matter what you say or do, that’s how she will be looking at you”, She concluded looking into the direction of the girl who was truly standing akimbo and staring as if she care less of what “you guys are saying!” Obviously she is used to this kind of reporting and then the usual conversation of “children of these days, they are this and that....” because the way she was looking at me.....like “bring your vitriol madam, I’ve got thick skin!” “Young lady, what’s your name?” I asked her with a smile. “Aisha”(not real name) she mumbled and I could have missed it if I wasn’t paying close attention. “You cannot talk abi?, ti n ba fo eti e, ohun e ma la(if I slap you, you will speak out loud)....you see what I’m saying madam, she doesn’t fear anyone...!” Please be calm ma, allow me have a chat with her alone. Long story cut short, 10 minutes into our session, she started crying....i just held her there and allow the tears flow.... You see ma/sir, behind that seemingly tough and “I don’t care attitude” of your teen is a being screaming for CONNECTION, LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, RESPECT and APPRECIATION....every human crave them, forget the “strong” face! If only and if you can dismount from the judgemental throne and empathize with your teen... If only you can be calm and take small nonsense sometimes and then talk sense into them later... At that point of raising your voice, insulting, scolding, judging your teen, he/she isn’t listening to whatever you are saying...at this time, the defensive mode is on and unfortunately you aren’t calm enough to listen to your teens side of the story..... Connect with your teen, be in their world, no matter their physical size, know that their brain hasn’t developed to full capacity.....you can’t put a bicycle engine in a car and expect a smooth ride! Mummy and daddy, be calming down please! Hellen Oladele Teens Counsellor.